Fuel on the Fire

people suck

2008-08-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

i like to believe in the power of change
i like to believe that people are essentially good
I like to believe that there is no constant in life

am i too idealistic?
is it wrong to believe in good?
i grow weary of conflict
even though such is the way of life

death trap

2008-04-10T15:34:00.000-07:00

you know i dream of you
i dream of smoking

those things that i have put away
because they became more pain than they were worth

and yet i love
maybe just the thought of them

the romantic notion of danger
and self-destruction

which is always lingering
in the back of my mind

i am still trying to find
the path to my essence

that elusive notion
of what i want to be

because something must be
better than this

floaties

2008-02-25T18:43:00.000-08:00

waves
always waves
and within the crash
there is no memory
only the noise
the deafening
noise
which distracts
and envelops
and disguises the fact
that it's

just

a

wave

and there will
be many
more
but
it's hard to tell
when you can see
nothing
but the foam
and hear nothing
but the crash
so i always try
to keep it in my memory
that this is
just an ocean
just a wave
which will
come
and
go
whether i'm here
or
not
it still will be
my wave
your wave
ebb
flow
crash
retreat
build
crash
retreat
build

learn

to

swim

vicarious inspiration

2007-12-31T01:17:00.000-08:00

Sitting in the branches
supported by the bough
reaching and swaying

what is the trunk
that keeps the bough up
the backbone of life

the source of nourishment
and strength
the lowest common denominator

the branches have their seasons
leaves come and go
the trunk is steady

She might sit in the branches
but maybe now
She's your trunk

who is the backbone
forever more unchanged
always there to nourish and support

meh-ry christmas

2007-12-21T15:34:00.000-08:00

to those who care enough to look at this

thanks

and happy holidays to you

My Koan Haiku

2007-10-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

I'm always moving
I can never settle down
My life follows me

Struggling along
Finding my place in the world
Looking everywhere

Coast to Coast express
I need to stand on my own
I have feeble legs

I should look inside
Or to the higher power
Where do I find peace?

These are all of the
Questions that I have in life
Personal journey

bad chemistry

2007-09-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

i feel alive
while driving
at dusk
colors of the sky
pushing me forward
with diamonds toward me
and ruby away

the soundtrack of my life
is playing on the stereo
calming me
and making me feel sentimental
and i think of you
and you
and you

i'm looking forward
to my destination
to feeling at home
so far away
and feel happy
yes, happy
for a moment

i wish i could
capture those
moments in time
happy chemical reactions
that trick me
into feeling
quite good

it's fleeting
as always
and i find myself
returning to the
lowest common denominator
the gun
to my head

don't look surprised
this is who
i am
in fleeting moments
when chemistry
tries to trick me
into feeling

David Wilcox - summing it all up with Kindness

2007-08-31T14:52:00.000-07:00

I love your sense of humor
I love to see you smile
I love your sense of balance
I love your sense of time

I love your music in the morning
Your rhythm in the night
But it's your kindness
That shines so bright

Yes I love your beauty
I love your sexy moves
But more I love your honesty
You always tell the truth

I love your vision of the future
Your hope that never dies
But it's your kindness that clears my skies

Yes I love your wisdom
Your knowledge of the past
Your willingness to listen
And taste for what will last

Your compassion for the suffering
And your solid happiness
But it's your kindness that I love best

I love...
I love...
I love...

(c)1997 Midnight Ocean Bonfire Music/Nine-Ten Music

hope springs eternal

2007-08-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

a kind word
a smile
encouragement keeps me afloat

new horizons
big ideas
borrowing from your confidence

revised living
new habits
shepherding me along

moving forward
permanent steps
on the longest journey

hope springs eternal

i've heard this one before

2007-08-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

echoes of my past
are screaming at me today
consequences of actions
not intended

living short-sighted
has left me in a vast abyss
drowning in what
might have been

feelings rule my world
and will be the end of it
one more short-sighted move
and that will be

i'm tired of fighting
tired of being told
tired of knowing better
and doing it anyway

it will be my unintended end
the day i'm not paying attention
to the feelings
and i listen for the last time

my mind wants to rule me
it tells me horrible lies
i am so tired of hearing
tired of fighting those feelings

i try to find where the truth is
inside of me
and i don't even know
where to look these days

i'm asked for explanations
and i don't know what to say
except that this is how i feel
what my gut tells me

but it's never good enough
for other people
i don't know if it's
good enough for me either

i keep looking for the answer
and i could tell you a good one
if you ask
but no one really does

i've talked about it ad naseum
and no one wants to hear anyway
so i relinquish myself
and resign

the echoes get louder
time moves around again
in the circle of circumstance
that know me too well

my diet

2007-07-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

coffee and cigarettes
this is how i live
and maybe a little oatmeal
if i get hungry

the poisonous landscape
that i am immersed in
is eating me away
from the inside out

and i feed it with
coffee and cigarettes
and maybe some oatmeal
when i feel like it

what DaVinci never knew

2007-07-19T00:22:00.000-07:00

standing on the hill
clouds rushing by
as if they were
a film on high speed
i felt the wind
on my face
in my hair
and it seemed
i could stay there
indefinitely

the city before me
the water
the waves
speaking those silent words
that tell me i can let go
let go of the worry
let go of the cares
give in to the wind
yield to it
and learn to master it

there are lessons
everywhere
if you know how to look
the glider
was magnificent
in its simplicity
and masterful
in its grace
dancing with the wind
knowing how to give and take

just a slight adjustment
of the controls
and a world of changes
can take place
a dive
a roll
with the wind
but yet not
crashed for a moment
but not broken

i will go back
to the hill
and give myself over
to the wind
to yeild my burdens
and take control
of the circumstances
that rule my life
because this time
i want to take the lesson

Stormy Weather

2007-07-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

She wants to run away
But there's nowhere that she can go
Nowhere the pain won't come again
But she can hide
Hide in the pouring rain
She rides the eye of the hurricane

- David Wilcox

Always in the hurricane
Tropical Storm Me
coming soon to a city near you
if you dare

revisited

2007-07-03T11:17:00.000-07:00

it was seven years ago tomorrow
on the fourth of july
when we went to see Bart
who put color to your sheild

and he thought it was funny
that the jew brought the coon
and we all laughed at that
and watched American History X

a bong from a soda bottle
in the back with the crew
and murmurings of what things
Bart would do with his dog

it was surreal and dangerous
and you made me hold your hand
although i remember later when
you wouldn't hold mine

as if i were meant to be
more of a man than you
and take the pain
suck it up for the both of us

summers at the fair
watching the tractor pulls
and endlessly in the garage
fussing with cars that won't be done

visiting your family
and playing with the pugs
swat team on the lawn
and trips to the hospital

except the trip
you wouldn't make
which left me alone
to wonder where your heart was

was i supposed to be
the strong one even then
i guess i was after all
always pulling it together

you helped me pack and told me
how i was the one
who gave herself to the man
in the long black coat

i let Horton Heat and Ani
drown you out
so i could keep moving
to the City of Destiny

maybe i'll return again
to the place i once called home
but then again
maybe not

Platforms

2007-06-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

life knocked me off my platforms
so i pulled out my first pair of boots
bought on the street at astor place
before new york was run by suits
and i suited up for the long walk
back to myself
closer to the ground now
with sorrow
and stealth

© 2004 ani difranco / righteous babe music

Lincoln

2007-06-25T16:10:00.000-07:00

I found you
like a shiny penny
face-down on the pavement

you were not quite as lucky
like the ones face-up
but valuable, nonetheless

so I picked you up
put you in my pocket
saving you for a rainy day

I pull you out into the light
from time to time
run you between my fingers

and watch the sun
glisten off the shiny copper exterior
and bask in your beauty for a while

then tuck you away
saving you up
letting your value grow

feeling you against my thigh
waiting for your purpose
wanting to be spent

but i don't want to spend you
I'll hold on for a while
keeping you in my palm

looking at your face
reading your date
decoding your secrets

until it is time
to make a wish
and spend you on my dreams

No Limit

2007-06-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

where did that spotlight come from
that you shined on me
where it doesn't belong

calling my cards
like a bad hand of poker

I'm not apologizing for myself
anymore

fuck that

there is no hiding
from that kind of light
no matter how I've tried
to remove that part of me

it's staying

and you can deal with it
or don't

I have a full house
and a lot of money on the table
play if you want
or fold

either way
there are no secrets
in the end
try shining that light again

you like what you see
you want what you found

I'll check you all the way
until the last card is dealt

and all the lights are on